On Manipulation, Empathy, and the Courage to Disagree

HELLO! Been less than 48 hours and I am back here. It's 3.46am right now and I've been pissed for more than an hour.

Due to privacy reasons, I will name this person "X" and label "it" instead of he or she.

X is such a manipulative person where I almost fell into it's trap. By asking me questions like, "Do you think they're nice people?" I said, "I'm not sure, I don't know them well enough." It replied, "So you mean they're not nice?" Excuse me? From our dear ChatGPT: X repeatedly misrepresents your words, insists it's interpretation is correct, and makes you responsible for defending yourself.

"You told me that you gongtao him but he say different things" (To translate: “You told me that you have him wrapped around your finger / that he’s really into you, but he told me something different.”)

Sometimes, manipulation doesn't come in the form of an outright lie. It comes through vague insinuations that make you question someone without giving you anything concrete to verify. The sentence itself implies that there is a contradiction or a hidden truth, yet refusing to elaborate leaves the other person with nothing but doubt and uncertainty.

The problem with this kind of communication is that it encourages suspicion without providing evidence. In this situation, the only known information was that the couple were still dating and were not officially together, which does not necessarily contradict the possibility of genuine feelings. When someone introduces doubt but refuses to substantiate their claims, it is worth questioning whether they are genuinely trying to inform you or simply influencing how you perceive another person. Not every insinuation deserves your suspicion, and not every vague claim deserves your trust.

Next, we debated about the paid service for rental of space for a couple of hours in a RENTED terrace house.

Is it legal to rent out a residential property in Singapore as a private event venue? A five-storey landed house being sublet by the hour for birthday parties, Halloween events and other private gatherings, with food and drinks prepared on-site, raises important questions about compliance with Singapore's property regulations. Under URA's planning rules, residential properties cannot automatically be used as commercial event venues, and recurring paid events may require planning approval depending on the property's approved use and circumstances.

Beyond planning permission, operators may also need to consider landlord consent, food safety requirements under SFA, and applicable fire safety regulations under SCDF. While this does not automatically mean the business is illegal, operating a commercial party venue from a residential property without the necessary approvals could result in enforcement action. Before booking or operating such a venue, it is important to verify that the property's use and activities comply with the relevant regulations.

Depending on the nature of the breach, unauthorised use of a residential property may expose an operator to enforcement action and substantial financial penalties. Singapore's Planning Act provides for fines of up to S$200,000 per charge for applicable offences involving unauthorised short-term accommodation, while serious fire safety offences can also carry significant fines and imprisonment. Whether these penalties apply to a particular party venue depends on the facts and the specific legislation breached.

Lastly, imagine saying that you would stop your friend from drink-driving before they even get the chance to walk towards their car, and the response was, “Then you probably have no friends.”

Apparently, caring enough to prevent someone from making a potentially fatal decision makes you a bad friend, but standing aside and letting them make their own choices makes you respectful of their autonomy. To me, that is a rather disturbing way of looking at friendship. I would rather have a friend be upset with me for stopping them than risk them injuring themselves or an innocent person. Some decisions have consequences far beyond the individual making them, and drink-driving is one of them.

What frustrates me most is not that people have different opinions. It is when someone treats their own perspective as the only reasonable one and judges others without making an effort to understand their intentions. The same person who insists that we should consider how others feel should also be willing to consider why someone might choose to intervene out of concern. Empathy cannot be something we demand from others while refusing to extend it to them.

There is a difference between respecting someone's autonomy and using it as an excuse to avoid confrontation. There is also a difference between understanding someone's circumstances and automatically defending their choices. Being an adult does not make someone immune to poor judgement, and being someone's friend does not mean we have to stand by silently when they are about to do something dangerous.

What I find particularly disappointing is when someone is quick to tell others that they are wrong, yet seems unwilling to acknowledge that their own reasoning can be flawed. You can disagree with me without belittling my judgement. You can challenge my perspective without assuming that yours is morally superior. And you can respect someone's freedom without pretending that every decision they make deserves unquestioning acceptance.

Ultimately, I believe friendship should involve more than keeping someone happy or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes, being a good friend means having the courage to say no, to intervene, and to risk being disliked for doing

It's 4.24am now and I'm finally done ranting and I'm going to sleep. 

The Right Person

Hi Everyone, 

It has been a long time and I hope that everyone's still feeling healthy. In this day and age, I truly think that being healthy is more important than everything else.

2026 has been a year of searching my Mr. Right. Growing up, my definition of love was very clouded as I probably started dating too early and those relationships portrayed in drama were certainly unhealthy. Throughout my 11 years of being attached, I felt like my definition of love has shifted greatly.

I was awfully doted by my first ex whom I was with for a very long time and I still think that he's an amazing person. Any girl who eventually marries him would be really lucky. I was lucky to have been doted well but at the same time, it shaped many of my bad habits. For instance, I spent way too much time with him, than being with my family, friends, or alone. I became rather reliant and it felt like he was everything that I needed in life. Eventually when we reached the mark where we were supposed to apply for build-to-order (BTO), he was not ready. It felt unfair to me where I spent almost half a decade working hard to be fully prepared financially but it was a goal on my own. Nevertheless, we broke up on good terms. 

Looking back at it, I would have preferred if he had communicated about not being able to meet the goal that we have set together. I think I would have felt less hurt, and be more understanding. Then again, I believe that inside me, I knew that he was not going to be the person that I would end up with in terms of what I wanted as a partner.

My second partner was out and about most of the time and we spent a lot of time being together during the first few months. As time went by, I realised that he would not be someone that I wanted as friend in terms of values and morals. However, I was more attached to him than I noticed and I lost myself in the relationship. 

When he left me, my world crashed and it seemed colourless. Everyday felt miserable, I could not eat nor sleep and it was awful. Eventually, I picked myself up and months later, he came back and we decided to try again. However, I was always guarded most of the time as I spent months picking myself up and I knew that I could not allow him to hurt me again. This also meant that I could not love him unconditionally anymore. 

One day, he shared that he could not provide me with the future that I wanted. What I wanted was rather simple, to have a home and children, and a puppy if we could afford. By then, we were pretty mature and we ended the relationship mutually.

Now that I am open to the dating scene again, I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I was glad that I did not choose to settle down with either of my exes as many other aspects did not sit well with me. Of course, I have been through couple of dates that did not worked out and I learnt that if they are not ready for a relationship, there is no way for us to help them feel ready. It is absolutely mature to have admitted and we respect that.

If they are not our person, it is fine, we let them go. There are many people in the world and we just have not found the right person in our lives. At my age, many are settling down, gotten married, gave birth to children. As much as I wished and yearned for a companion to build life together, it's more important to me that he is the right person rather than just settling.

I reflected a lot by myself and the top of my list has to be feeling chosen. I want to be chosen by them to feel assured and I am totally fine to leave the moment I feel that I was not being chosen. I want someone whom is calm and gentle who can communicate properly without raising their voice. I want one who can have deep conversations with me and likes to hear me talk. Other aspects such as being a responsible person who respect others and/or even take care of people around them are important.

I hope that when I meet him, he is built as a whole. And I myself would have fixed those bad habits that I have. I need to learn to give others space and understand that it is okay even if they are not around physically, I would not have to doubt if they are ever coming back to me. Even if they don't, that's okay, I am myself as a whole and there'd be no loss.

I hope that he loves the ocean as much as I do and he loves gathering people in the same space/our home during festive seasons.

I think it is also important to note down the deal breakers. For me, it's violence. There is absolutely no reason to result in violence regardless of how angry a person is. If they are unable to control their anger, something must have been very wrong in them and I would never be able to feel safe around them. I would not want to return to a home where I feel unsafe.

I personally feel that it is fine to not have a relationship as I could achieve many things on my own and I did not feel lonely throughout the process. I enjoyed solo travelling as I did not have to accommodate to others' preferences neither do I have to be responsible for their time. 

The first time when I went Bangkok on my own, it felt easier than I would have expected. I loved how accessible it was and it's a country where I visit almost on an annual basis now.

Everyone have their own journey and we don't owe anyone a living to them to fix them. If they don't recognise the issue or problem that they have, they would not make the effort to fix them. For example, I always believe that people do things that they feel is right. If you don't feel that you're doing something wrong, of course you wouldn't feel the need to change it.

I am not rushing and I want to feel comfortable being alone before I start dating again. My future partner should value add to my life, it's like a bonus sort of thing rather than feeling as though his presence makes my life complete.

I hope that everyone would eventually find the person that's right for them, that loves them in a way that they feel it and never afraid to end a relationship if it doesn't feel right anymore. Of course, the right person don't just exist perfectly. There'll be compromises required and in my definition of love, we don't hurt the person that we love intentionally. Whereas, we would want to change for them if we've learnt that certain actions made them feel uncomfortable.

2026

Happy New Year everyone! Not sure how many peeps are still checking this space but as I grow older, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself more and be less opiniated as being too vocal got me in trouble a couple of times. 

Nonetheless, thank you for sticking by me, and I started blogging in 2012 where I felt really low and constantly experienced the bullying by my peers. From name calling to body shaming along with getting ostracised.

During primary school, a friend invited me to his birthday party and I couldn't find the place. I recalled putting on a really pretty dress and gotten my mom to the mall to get a present. We tried locating the address and called a couple of times but I learnt the next day that it was planned for them to laugh at me while I struggled. I believe that my mom noticed that he probably did not invite me wanting me to be there but didn't want to hurt my feelings and she didn't say a word.

It made me wonder to why I was always the one getting bullied. Although they laughed at the silliest things such as having a hairy arm or "elephant thighs" and "walking camwhore" but at that age, I guess I wasn't mature to have told myself that it wasn't a big deal nor it was something that I should allow it to hurt me. 

As I reflected while growing up, I think my actions wouldn't have been an issue in this century. I liked taking photos and sharing it online as I felt lonely. Back then, we posted on Facebook a lot and I became the hot topic for posting videos on YouTube as well. I guess no one would've cared if I were to post a video of me walking now. I also felt that maybe, I was a little "bossy" in their point of view when it comes from a place of care. A little more matured to have called others "attention seeker" when some people themselves, are probably struggling.

I do feel that I've a lower EQ than others where I wasn't very compassionate, or maybe it was because I got bullied where I felt that my feelings wouldn't matter to anyone and before I knew it, I've to defend myself and fight cause no one will.

In 2026, I hope that I'll be a happier person that prioritise myself more and take what I want instead of giving it to others just because I'm so used to doing it at home (as the elder sibling). I would want to travel more and be more active than I was last year. Even though I felt that I've lost a couple of friends whom I have held dearly in my heart, but that's probably a lesson to be learnt. The way that I love, might not be acceptable to others where they bad since they're unable to reciprocate. I hope that I'll be able to love those who deserves it and appreciate it, not feeling like they had to reciprocate as it was never meant that way.

My latest post was about solo travelling in Bangkok and I just came back from Bangkok 2 days ago! I had so much fun visiting new places this time round and met up with some friends. While everyone has been busy reflecting their 2025, I haven't got the time as I was really busy working.

In 2025, I learnt to let go of the "whys" that I had in my head. There's no reason to question for someone's action and their explanation would not change the outcome. There's no need for me to explain the reason behind my actions as well, especially for my own life. I learnt that my rants could have caused discomfort to the people listening and eventually, it might turned out to be toxic. I used to be very passionate towards work and I loved my company. But as time went by, I realised that maybe, I was being short chained and I've put in more effort than I should have been rewarded. It seems to always been this way sadly.

Moving forward, in 2026, I promise that I'll still be true to myself, always stand with justice and be an upright person where those who raised me, will still be proud of who I am. Many of you might not know but I've gone through a really long academic journey. After secondary school, I went to ITE Higher Nitec for two years, followed by Polytechnic for three years and finally, University for three years. Honestly, uni was such a grey journey for me. It felt like I've lost hope in life and everything looked colourless to me. It was totally understandable that I was eventually the last few team members that nobody wanted. Despite these, I'm glad that I wasn't struggling alone. A new girl joined the class and we eventually became good friends who could share our struggles with each other, our heartache and I'm just glad to have someone who have understood. She's probably the kindest person that I've met in school.

In 2026, I focused on wellbeing and experience rather than being too money driven about how much I could've saved.

My key events in 2025;

• Mayday in January
• Joker Xue in February
• Disney on Ice in March
• Hiking at MacRitchie in April (something that I've postponed for a long time and so proud of myself that I managed to complete the trail)
• Batam and Langkawi in May
• Scuba diving in Maratua to see Whale Sharks in June
• Bought health insurance in July 
• Waterbomb in August
• One Love Asia in September (was so happy to meet my childhood idols and made a friend there!)
• First family trip (12 pax) to Desaru in September
• Caught up with an old friend and bought iPhone 17 Pro Max for myself after learning 2 years ago that value of phones depreciate lesser this way in October (so thankful for the dual camera)
• Got scouted in November where I eventually stayed with my current company and realised that I could have had these opportunities that I'm about to enjoy and
• BLACKPINK concert and Bangkok in December

Looking back, I'm so thankful to be building stronger connections with my family and friends. And also, to have cut off connections that did not felt right. I don't regret meeting any and everyone that I've met and I believe that everything happens for a reason. Either they're a blessing or a lesson learnt. In many cases, I'm probably a different version of myself each time and I'm pretty sure that I'll get up stronger.

Alright! Moving on, here's how the Bangkok trip went :)

Had to rush to the airport after work; Flew to Bangkok on the 27th December and arrived at 11.30pm (Bangkok's 10.30pm).

Bought the 7-eleven toasted sandwiches in hawaiian and spinach cream. They were so yummy and I totally loved it!

Took the Bangkok Airport Rail Link to Ratchapraprop and took grab over to Metz Pratunam Hotel. I personally had such a good experience and the staff were all really nice! It's a little inconvenient due to walking distance but if you've planned to take motorbike around, I think it's good enough. There's many restaurants, bar, convenient stores (7-eleven and TOPS) and, fastfood (McDonalds'). It's located in Pratunam and it's near Platinum Mall, December's and Shibuya Pratu Nam. The room is nice and clean even though it's a little small for two.

We went Money Hut Restaurant for seafood soup and pad thai from 12.30am to 1.15am for about 740฿.

28th December 2025

Had guacamole toast with mushroom soup at 9am.

Took a tuktuk (SGD 3.70) to Wat Hualamphong for coffin donation.

Went to Holidate for coffee.

Visited CentralWorld to get two sets of pyjamas from Slip to SLEEP. They were having a campaign where they donate a portion of every purchase to the sick and injured elephants.

Followed by Bfill Meko for fat dissolving injections (60cc) on my arms and skin booster IV drip. It was quite costly at SGD241.20. I hated injection but beauty is pain and I even had numbing cream on but it wasn't effective.

Had my favourite Hitoshi Shabu hotpot and it's similar to Korea's Shabu21.

Walked around CentralWorld again and had Thong Smith boat noodles for dinner.

Went BigC to purchase crispy pork roll and tomato chips and baby packets of lays. I was pretty silly to have brought home so much air in my luggage and it's a lesson learnt!

Had some yummy prawns salad and pork jowl for supper at VINTAGE, they just opened for 12 days and they're amazing. I think they're Singaporean owned.

29th December 2025

Woke up at 6.25am as we've planned for photoshoot at Wat Arun (9.25am to 10am) and decided to take another school uniform themed (10.50am to 11.30am) set.

Took another tuktuk to Chinatown and it was such a dreadful ride as it's all one-way streets. 

1.40pm: Had lunch at HAGOW Yaowarat. It's more pricey but so worth it with the aircon as it was super hot that day.

Walked over to Songwat and got coffee from Mid Summer.

Went back to hotel to rest and went over to Park Terrace to catch up over drinks with some friends from 11.20pm to 3.20am.

Bought maggie and toufu soup from 7-eleven and went back to hotel at 4am to EAT!

30th December 2025

Slept in and went to TrueLove @ Neverland (Husky Cafe) at 1.30pm. The entrance fee is quite expensive at 300฿ per person and another 300฿ just to take a group picture (with my phone) with the dogs. That's SGD37 for two pax already and we ordered lunch there, in total, spent about SGD50. Honestly, it's overpriced and I wouldn't visit again.

Visited Emphorium, EmQuartier, and Emsphere from 4.30pm to 1.15am.

Mainly shopped in Emsphere and visited two clubs: Tic Tac Toe and What's Happened. Find them quite mid and preferred What's Happened more as music played were similar to clubs in Singapore. Tic Tac Toe was just too loud and the dance floor was really small.

31st December 2025 (NYE)

Visited Iconsiam at 4.50pm and bought crocodile meat. It was really tough but well marinated.

Couldn't believe that the durian ice cream was SGD2 (50฿)

Travelled to Asiatique at 7.15pm and had Earw Thai which was honestly so bad. Soup was tasteless, service was really slow and rice wasn't fully cooked. It was really expensive too and we paid 938฿  (SGD38) for two pax.

Zoomed back to CentralWorld at 11.30pm for the New Year countdown. We initially wanted to countdown at Iconsiam but predicted that it might be difficult getting back to our hotel.

1st January 2026 (happy new year!)

Went to a nearby cafe, Everings, for brunch at 11.50am and hands down to the best onion chives bagel that I've ever had.

Shopped at December's and Shibuya but most stores were closed. Went Thong Lor to have Bingbun (bingsu with mochi) at 6.20pm

Had roasted pork belly at Pad Thai Ar-Simp as a snack at 7.10pm

Went MBK Center at 7.40pm and had an hour of KTV session for SGD6 (so worth, despite the limited songs)

Ended the night with shoulder and back massage at Let's Relax from 9. 30pm to 10pm

2nd January 2026 (last day)

Had hotel breakfast at 9.40am. I wanted to order the guacamole toast again as it was delicious but they didn't have it that day unfortunately. Ordered omelet instead and it was prettily served but would've preferred some seasoning.

Went CentralWorld for EASY! buddy at 2.30pm and I got the garlic peppercorn which was similar to Pepper Lunch. But I loved the stir-fry cabbage so much!

Decided to get Thai Milk Tea from Karun at 3.30pm and it was better than expected, would totally get it again when I'm back in Bangkok! 20% sugar level was good enough, wanted to try the homemade boba but it wasn't available. Would have gotten 0% sugar if boba was available.

Went back to Everings to get my last onion chives bagel before travelling to the airport.

Reached the airport way too early at 8.30pm as I thought that there'll be a jam. The flight was at 11.50pm. Had to stroll around until 10.50pm.

Got myself a Dairy Queen ice cream before boarding the flight, maybe that was why I didn't sleep at all.

Arrived in Singapore at 3.30am but only got to collect the luggage at 3.55am as we took a while to disembark. 

The next time when I visit Bangkok, I probably wouldn't go as many days (went for 7 days this time) and would probably spend a bit more to fly back earlier as I went to work at 9.30am when I got home at 4.30am.

That's all for now and see you in the next post!