Hi Everyone,
It has been a long time and I hope that everyone's still feeling healthy. In this day and age, I truly think that being healthy is more important than everything else.
2026 has been a year of searching my Mr. Right. Growing up, my definition of love was very clouded as I probably started dating too early and those relationships portrayed in drama were certainly unhealthy. Throughout my 11 years of being attached, I felt like my definition of love has shifted greatly.
I was awfully doted by my first ex whom I was with for a very long time and I still think that he's an amazing person. Any girl who eventually marries him would be really lucky. I was lucky to have been doted well but at the same time, it shaped many of my bad habits. For instance, I spent way too much time with him, than being with my family, friends, or alone. I became rather reliant and it felt like he was everything that I needed in life. Eventually when we reached the mark where we were supposed to apply for build-to-order (BTO), he was not ready. It felt unfair to me where I spent almost half a decade working hard to be fully prepared financially but it was a goal on my own. Nevertheless, we broke up on good terms.
Looking back at it, I would have preferred if he had communicated about not being able to meet the goal that we have set together. I think I would have felt less hurt, and be more understanding. Then again, I believe that inside me, I knew that he was not going to be the person that I would end up with in terms of what I wanted as a partner.
My second partner was out and about most of the time and we spent a lot of time being together during the first few months. As time went by, I realised that he would not be someone that I wanted as friend in terms of values and morals. However, I was more attached to him than I noticed and I lost myself in the relationship.
When he left me, my world crashed and it seemed colourless. Everyday felt miserable, I could not eat nor sleep and it was awful. Eventually, I picked myself up and months later, he came back and we decided to try again. However, I was always guarded most of the time as I spent months picking myself up and I knew that I could not allow him to hurt me again. This also meant that I could not love him unconditionally anymore.
One day, he shared that he could not provide me with the future that I wanted. What I wanted was rather simple, to have a home and children, and a puppy if we could afford. By then, we were pretty mature and we ended the relationship mutually.
Now that I am open to the dating scene again, I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I was glad that I did not choose to settle down with either of my exes as many other aspects did not sit well with me. Of course, I have been through couple of dates that did not worked out and I learnt that if they are not ready for a relationship, there is no way for us to help them feel ready. It is absolutely mature to have admitted and we respect that.
If they are not our person, it is fine, we let them go. There are many people in the world and we just have not found the right person in our lives. At my age, many are settling down, gotten married, gave birth to children. As much as I wished and yearned for a companion to build life together, it's more important to me that he is the right person rather than just settling.
I reflected a lot by myself and the top of my list has to be feeling chosen. I want to be chosen by them to feel assured and I am totally fine to leave the moment I feel that I was not being chosen. I want someone whom is calm and gentle who can communicate properly without raising their voice. I want one who can have deep conversations with me and likes to hear me talk. Other aspects such as being a responsible person who respect others and/or even take care of people around them are important.
I hope that when I meet him, he is built as a whole. And I myself would have fixed those bad habits that I have. I need to learn to give others space and understand that it is okay even if they are not around physically, I would not have to doubt if they are ever coming back to me. Even if they don't, that's okay, I am myself as a whole and there'd be no loss.
I hope that he loves the ocean as much as I do and he loves gathering people in the same space/our home during festive seasons.
I think it is also important to note down the deal breakers. For me, it's violence. There is absolutely no reason to result in violence regardless of how angry a person is. If they are unable to control their anger, something must have been very wrong in them and I would never be able to feel safe around them. I would not want to return to a home where I feel unsafe.
I personally feel that it is fine to not have a relationship as I could achieve many things on my own and I did not feel lonely throughout the process. I enjoyed solo travelling as I did not have to accommodate to others' preferences neither do I have to be responsible for their time.
The first time when I went Bangkok on my own, it felt easier than I would have expected. I loved how accessible it was and it's a country where I visit almost on an annual basis now.
Everyone have their own journey and we don't owe anyone a living to them to fix them. If they don't recognise the issue or problem that they have, they would not make the effort to fix them. For example, I always believe that people do things that they feel is right. If you don't feel that you're doing something wrong, of course you wouldn't feel the need to change it.
I am not rushing and I want to feel comfortable being alone before I start dating again. My future partner should value add to my life, it's like a bonus sort of thing rather than feeling as though his presence makes my life complete.
I hope that everyone would eventually find the person that's right for them, that loves them in a way that they feel it and never afraid to end a relationship if it doesn't feel right anymore. Of course, the right person don't just exist perfectly. There'll be compromises required and in my definition of love, we don't hurt the person that we love intentionally. Whereas, we would want to change for them if we've learnt that certain actions made them feel uncomfortable.